So Glad I Blog {Relating to Other Blogging Moms....}

I don't blog every day...

I don't even blog every other day... Sometimes I find myself going a very long time without blogging. Life is busy these days...more than I could have ever imagined as a stay-at-home Mama.

I love my job as Mama & Wife.

But I've had to adapt to a lot of changes since staying at home. I've always had a job since I was 12. I've always had my own money since I was 12. So now that Im 33, I gave up working for a few years to be with my kids, which took me all of about 1 minute to decide. I actually decided when Andrew was still in my belly...I thought.. "After this Im staying at home".. and that's what I did.

 

But some days I get really overwhelmed and down on myself. I beat myself up about being a good Mom. Some days I have it all together.. playdates, parks, lunches packed, naptimes, etc. And others we are a hot mess with meltdowns, no meals made, late naps or no naps, and not a whole lot to do.

I love my kids unconditionally, and I try so hard, maybe too hard? To raise them right, discipline the right way, eat the right way, play, act, talk, get a long... etc.. But sometimes I snap, I become this monster momma that I look back at and dispise... I'll yell or even scream, and become someone so unglued and so not full of grace, and I forget that all I need to do way more often than I do is turn to God for strength.

 

I may not be a good catholic church goer very often, but that doesn't mean that God loves us any less, or that we shouldn't lean on him, or forget that he's right there for us, if we let him in.

 

I was having one of the off days yesterday, and then I read a post by one of my other SAHM bloggers Blue Eyed Bride. She read my mind... and I decided to copy a little of what she wrote about in case some other Moms who read my blog are feeling the same way some days.

 

Blue Eyed Bride writes:

 

Because some days I am doing great! And other days, I know that I need Him to carry me through from one hour to the next. And what a joy it is to ask Him to do that. I can delight in that!
I may not be a perfect mother, but I love my babies immeasurably. I may not have it all together, but I certainly don’t have the energy to waste on pretending to have it all together. And some days I may beat myself up over these things, but my God loves me and has me covered.

2 Corinthians 12:9

But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.

 

Thank you for writing this, I sure needed to read it. I think all Moms, ones who stay at home and ones who don't really need to give ourselves more credit. Motherhood is hard work!
I love my kids, and although these days are hard at times, they are also so much fun, and there's no place I'd rather be then right here, right now.

 



Today Sucked

I usually do a link up for What Im Loving Wednesday...

But today took an ugly turn for the worse...

 

Ready for a real life mom to vent .. here goes..

Im sure i will remember this day.. but i dont want to forget what we went through today.

Im keeping it real in this blog post, because.. why not? I blog for myself and my family. To preserve memories and moments good and bad.

 

In short... I had to give my 8 month old an enema, and my 3 year old worked herself into hysterics at preschool and I had to go and pick her up...

 

Andrew was up every hour last night.

He hasnt pooped in more than a week...

We've tried prune juice, pear juice, karo syrup...everything

It was getting really bad though..

Long story short... I was planning on getting him an enema after dropping SJ off at school.

 

I get a call from her school about 10 minutes into my ride to Walmart.

She was crying hysterically, and the teachers asked if I would come back and sit in the room since she was that upset. My heart just crumbled. My baby.. upset and scared.. but WHY? everything was going so smoothly... all of the sudden she doesnt like school? what was it?

I dropped Andrew off at home with Daddy (thank god he was working from home today)

I comforted her and sat in her classroom... but I had to leave after a while. Daddy called and A was screaming in pain.. I needed to get his medicine.

 

When it rains it pours.

 

I ran home.. fed him and he fell asleep.

I took SJ and went to get the medicine.

 

Came home.. told her to go play.. I gave her the ipad and turned on some Taylor Swift.. (she loves the song "Mean"...) and she was playing content on the 3rd floor.

 

Daddy and I gave A the enema.

Now if you've ever given one.. holy lord it is awful.. awful for EVERYONE INVOLVED.

He was screaming, I was tearing up, and feeling so badly that I was inflicting pain on my infant.

After I held him, he cried and cried and pushed and pushed..

Finally he is now sleeping sound at 10pm.. hopefully for the night.

 

So one baby was taken care of...for the moment.

 

Back to my SJ.

I spoke with her teacher and we devised a plan.

My Motherly instinct is telling me that she is just getting used to the classroom setting.

She's had encounters where kids have maybe been a little harsh about sharing, or taking turns, and listening to the teacher, and not wanting to do something, seeing other kids crying, fighting, not knowing how  to share yet. She told me the other day that someone pushed her away and said "NO".. and then she said "I was nervous Mama, I missed you"...
BREAK. MY. HEART.....

 

These are all reasons why she is there.

But I think she's nervous (as she openly told me today)

She's nervous about confrontation with other kids.. and interaction.

Because up to  this point she's never had to defend herself or really work out a problem with another kid in a classroom setting.

 

I feel so open and I know Im putting myself out there.

This post is half venting and half worrying.

Motherhood is the hardest job around.

And its hard after a day like today not to feel lost and like you are failing.

I am praying on it for a better day I suppose, and hoping that this too shall pass.

Its just a phase.

 

With Andrew:

More Prunes, Plums, Peaches, Greens..

With Samantha:

It wont be that easy.. I think its gonna take some time and patience.

Today was not such a good day.

Im trying to keep my head up.

I love my babies so much and it pains my heart to see them hurt in any way.

 

Tomorrow is another day... but im SOO glad today is OVER!!!

This Mama is headed for B.E.D!